1.07.2011

Marriage

Holla Y'all!! Can I get a BIG TGIF? My kids made it through the 1st 1/2 week back at school. Only one has complained to switch back to their old school. Lil Mr ofcourse. God love him. Right when I think he is starting to like it, nope. If he can suck it up for the rest of the year, we told him we'd get an apartment or something in the old school district next year so he could graduate with his friends. {some of you may know have read the hard time they both had at the beginning of the year} It's way way too far for him to drive. {at least his MOMMA thinks so!}

In other news, I had to have my car towed today. It's not been a fun day to say the least. My new name for BMW is: Break My Wallet. My son & I both have one and let's just say, I have seen the beamer repair man for the last time!!! SO.LONG.SUCKA!

On a good note, the Mr & I permanently deleted our facebook accts last night. May I tell you how much extra time I have had to get a jump start on my organizing?? AMAZING! {Ill be blogging on how to do that & my decision why, next week!}
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On with the show....

I came across this a long time ago on facebook. A friend going through a horrible time posted it. I sat & wept. I really don't think it's a true story, although it very well may be, I don't know. What I do know is, is that there are so many hurting ladies {and men} in the world. I read about it on FB, see it in real life, read about it on the internet and ofcourse, see it on TV.  {ofcourse there is 2 sides 2 every story, but you get the picture}

If you are one of the hurting ladies in this world, my heart goes out to you. This letter basically just goes to show that "the grass isn't always greener on the other side, water your own grass & watch it grow". Maybe you know someone who can benefit from this. Who knows, just wanted to share. WARNING:Grab a tissue!

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.


This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - she had passed away.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.


{via}
I also wanted to share these links with y'all:
-1oo ways to show love to your husband HIS way







Creamer Snobs Unite!
{can you tell I forgot to take a pic?}


XoXo, Daph


32 comments :

  1. OMG, crying! Makes everything change perspectives doesn't it.

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  2. Man! Gotta warn me to get some kleenex and comfy chair for these posts!! WOW, what heart. Thank you for being the sweet, positive light that is willing to share. You're awesome, thank you :) Happy weekend dear XO

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  3. I've seen that before and it's so sad! Sorry to hear about the car but it sounds like you are relieved!

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  4. great story! can't wait to hear about the facebook decision!

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  5. Wow...what a story. Whether it is true or not, it surely makes you re-evaluate things in your life. Glad you posted this...I think sometimes I needed to be reminded of what is important :)

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  6. wow that story is AMAZING! I guess i shouldn't have read this at work! so sad but at the same time, so heart felt. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!

    I love your blog.. just found you today :) Looking forward to reading more from you!

    xoxox stop by sometime :)

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  7. oh my gosh! What a great post today! *tear*

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  8. Way to make my mascara run first thing in the morning. Thank you for sharing. XOXO

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  9. I'm crying! WOW! I hope this isn't real but if it is I hope people(including myself) learn from it! We need to appreciate what we are blessed with!

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  10. I'm crying! WOW! I hope this isn't real but if it is I hope people(including myself) learn from it! We need to appreciate what we are blessed with!

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  11. Ohhhhh, my friend sent this story to me about a month ago and I cried while reading. And now I am reading it again and crying again! It really makes you stop and think! Hope you have a great weekend!

    http://cautionblondeblogging.blogspot.com/

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  12. aww how sad and sweet...and tragic..he finally came to his senses too late!

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  13. Margie AKA Narg1/7/11, 9:41 AM

    Good Morning Sunshine...

    Congrats on being FB Free!! I have not signed in at all this week at work and it has felt soooo good!!! Gotten more done than I have in a long time..

    While I could not delete my FB, I applaud you for doing so. It is my main connection to so many friends - that if I didnt reach out and touch I would NEVER hear from them..

    Hope you have a BLESSED day..

    Love you and Miss you, N

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  14. ohmygosh. what a touching story -- really makes you think.

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  15. That is so sad. Gosh that made me tear up reading that. Give a girl some warning next time ;)

    Cancer is a hard thing to deal with in a family, I know because my aunt went through it and now my mom is.

    Enough with the sobbing... :) There is a Valentine Swap I wanted to let you know about. Its on my blogs. Go check it out.

    xo

    Samantha

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  16. Lord. I came here because I saw a bottle of wine on my blogger feed, but after the marriage post I'm crying and I'm not even married yet. Nothing like staring at the computer at work and crying to give off the professional image. :) Great post though. :)

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  17. oh my goodness. so sad. i have tears in my eyes. really makes me stop and think. thanks for sharing.

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  18. OMG, what a story! So sad I don't know what to say.

    Good luck with the car. My son has a bmw and it is always in the shop.

    Have a good weekend anyway!!

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  19. I've read that before and everytime, it makes me cry....and think. I was talking to someone the other day about how much people take their loved ones for granted. I know I don't do the best job, but I always TRY to never take advantage of anyone...stranger, family or friend.

    Thanks for posting!!

    xoxo
    Jess

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  20. This is exquisitely beautiful... Thank you for sharing.

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  21. wow....just wow. I am just trying not to burst into tears. I REALLY want to go home and hug and kiss my husband right now. Thank you for sharing this powerful story!

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  22. Great post! Thanks for sharing.

    Come by and enter my giveaway for a 5-pack of Softlips lip balm if you like:
    just click here

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  23. I've chosen you as a recipient of the Stylish Blogger Award. Go here to redeem your reward:

    http://norwegianphoenix.blogspot.com/2011/01/stylish-blogger-award.html

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  24. I've thought about deleting Facebook so many times! I just avoid it for days, weeks at a time. ;) Anyway, since I can't keep up w/ you on there anymore, & we all know I'm even worse about Twitter updates...we'll just have to reschedule a phone date for the gazillionth time, right? Have a fabulous weekend!

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  25. Makes me tear up each time I see it.

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  26. Wow... this is the first time I've seen this. It's so... touching.

    Good luck with the BMW and I hope your weekend is wonderful! :)

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  27. Wow! The first part hit home with me, but wasn't expecting the last part. Thanks for sharing!:)

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  28. What an amazing story! Whether it's true or not, it really makes you stop and think.

    And congrats on the freedom of deleting your Facebook!

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  29. FB is a double edged sword.... I was stalked, etc bad, bad experience. the worst aspect about quitting FB was I lost touch with some friends....

    Parts are a bit expensive here, but I am fond of German and Japanese engineering.

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  30. Wow. We've had several friends that's marriages have broken up over affairs. Maybe they should have read this before things got that far. Thanks for sharing.

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  31. This is such an eye-opening story--thanks so much for sharing! Great links as well. Hope you are having a great weekend and best of luck with the car trouble! :)

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